Daddy's Home

Here are some benefits to having Doug home the past few months.  All the priceless Dad moments. 

  

...and for those of you who know our current situation and care for some free advice...

Here are a few things I've learned as the mom about having a husband unemployed since October.

1.  Having friends and family check in on you is very thoughtful and nice.  I'm sure they feel embarrassed to intrude or ask how we are doing when my same answers are always..."hanging in there." But there's been many times when someone asked how I was and I said fine and they asked again, "No, really, how are you??" and I broke into tears.  So thanks for those that asked and asked again.  I still had no answers but just the asking meant a lot.

2.  Temporal matters ARE really spiritual matters.  I've been known to get weird cravings and just have to have that food over and over till I move on to the next thing.  (If I was a skinny girl, that wouldn't sound so bad, but as a non-skinny girl it sounds sad).  But it's true.  I often think "What sounds good for dinner?" and go with that.  Well, with an unemployed spouse, you have to eat what you've got.  I have prayed and noticed the blessing that I have not been overly emotional about the meals I've made my family.  Might sound dumb, but menu's and treats have come to my mind to make my family feel comfortable and safe when the empty cupboards could have caused them concern and worry. We also had a few months ago a flood upstairs from the A/C which still has a giant hole in our ceiling.  While it's terrible to look at, I've been grateful that while the AC doesn't work...the furnace next to it does and we'll had a warm house all winter with no issues.  Food, heat, shelter are things that don't sound spiritual, but when you don't have them...it's the only thing on your mind.  I think it's all related to body and spirit, and I truly understand why making sure a family has all their temporal needs met should be on the top of all our priority lists.

3.  Compassion and service is Godlike.  I am a pretty compassionate person who likes to help people and offer service.  I don't find it hard to accept service.  I also don't mind providing the opportunity to another person to serve me.  But I wasn't always that way.  I used to hold that kind of pride that sounds good but is really bad.  The "I can do it myself" attitude, even when I couldn't do it myself.  I hope I've accepted others' service gracefully and with humility because I think it reflects how well I can accept the greatest gift, the Atonement.

4.  Simple Times are the Bestest Times.  When you have to start canceling things, events, and plans due to unexpected life changes, it can be hard to deal with the loss.  The loss of that thing you really wanted your kids to do (try skiing) or the loss of that place you really wanted to go (Hawaii for my high school reunion this year) or the loss of the goal you almost reached (paying off my medical bills from surgery last year).  I feel like as the parent, I just keep losing and losing and eventually you feel like a loser.  I've had to use all my mental effort to notice and focus on the things that I haven't lost and maybe even gained.  Like how usually my kids all get sick in January and this year they didn't need a doctor visit.  Or how I always seem to find the change I need for that big gulp that will help me get through the late hours of study.  Or how my children are learning how to react to life's trials through prayer, family councils and testimonies being tested.

5. Relying on a spouse. As we search for the answer to "Why is this happening to us?" I have often had the thought that maybe I'm supposed to be learning something about submitting (in the most loving and equal way) to my husband.  Supporting and submitting are verbs that require restraint, biting one's tongue, showing cheerfulness, choosing to allow ones spouse to receive revelation for the things he has stewardship over and submitting to the will of the Lord that follows.  It is a tough one that sometimes I'm good at and sometimes I'm not good at.  I even told him last week, "I love you, but I want to strangle you."  It wasn't my nicest wife moment.  While the spouse relationship can seem to be the least important factor during a stressful time, it is one of the most important gifts to nurture ...to be a strength to each other when you feel weak.  Our conversations have been late into the night sometimes, our tears have been shared together, and our goals have been reevaluated into our common vision. 

6.  Don't let worry take over.  This one is a big one for the mom who naturally worries about meals, kids, schedules, spouses, emergencies, money, and on and on.  I am a worrier.  A few months back, I was consumed with worry.  How can we fix the whole in our roof to keep out the cold now?  How can we do Christmas?  How am I supposed to get a part time job with four little boys still at home?  How will this or that get paid?  A lot of the what if questions that raced through my mind never happened.  If they did (like our car transmission dying for good), then it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it could be (it happened close to home, and was sold for parts within days).  To overcome my worry, I had to start thinking of things day by day.  It is hard too because I love planning and being organized.  I had to think to myself..."Today we have three meals and a nice treat for the kids for dessert.  Today everyone was healthy, and we got to where we needed to be.  Today our house is warm and everyone is sleeping peacefully in their beds. Today I took a bubble bath and read a book for a few moments of peace" and not worry about the rest.   I could have saved myself a few worry wrinkles and a few pounds of stress snacking if I would have known that before.